Q: How can I teach my boy how to go down on me?

If you have a penis and you're starting to read this, KEEP READING. It may seem like I'm in a male bashing mood in two seconds but I promise you'll benefit from this post!

Let's just dive in and start with...

WHAT MEN DO WRONG...
Uno. They only do it when asked. That's what used to bother me the most in previous relationships. And then you have to act as though you've received a gift. Like you did something good this week and deserve a treat. Then they expect something in return PRONTO.
Two. TOO ROUGH. Yes, we love dildos, bullets, handy massagers and washing machines because they vibrate. But not the tip of his tongue. You're not chowing down in to a plate of food. The clitoris is not removeable nor does it enjoy stiff flicks of the tongue.
Three! Not long enough. No, not the penis. But the time spent on our sweet spot. If we can deal with losing feeling in our cheeks or lock jaw, he can spend an extra 15 where we like it.
4. Constant changing. I think this is a big reason why guys get tired down there. Pick a motion, a good one, and stick with it. Change of course can be good but only in the beginning.
Cinco. Stopping at the crucial moment...the AHHH...the OH MY F'ING GOD...the WILL YOU MARRY ME moment.

But of COURSE there is hope. Although I'm sure I've lost a lot of male readers by now. We still love you guys!!! Even porn stars don't do it right. That's just all exaggerated movement for show.
But how do we break it to our partner that, yea, we've been faking it? It boggles my mind that men get highly offended when they find out that they have not been satisfying their girl yet they don't take the time to ask or learn what feels good.

Like always, the real answer to the question is communication. But couples seem to avoid this like the plague. In that case, I have some suggestions!
But just so you know...I still think you should talk to your partner or at least tell him during the time he's down there, in a sexy way that you like what he's doing. "Don't stop" is always an easy way to put it. Lower your voice a few decibels and add some heavy breathing and you're golden. Maybe "yea baby, right there" or a simple "yes" may be the answer.

If not...

One way that has helped me in the past is by buying a book to look at together. I don't sell it but an EXCELLENT book is by Kim Catrall's book Satisfaction. It's a book written with her husband (are they still together or what?) with beautiful illustrations and details. This is a little more serious and he may get the hint too quickly. In that case, Tracey Cox is always good for informative but fun books. One of my partners didn't even know where the clitoris was until he saw it in the book.

Play a game!!! Boys are always ready play. While he's down there, ask him to write out the ABC's with his tongue or spell something out. Or you can play the number's game (I think this was in a movie). You say the number then he "writes" it with his tongue. If you enjoy him "writing" the number, keep saying that one number. Your roommate or parents will think you're talking about your finances. ;)

Use your fingers. Make a peace sign with your pointer and index fingers. Turn it downwards, creating an upside down V and place your clit where your two fingers meet. You don't have to keep your other fingers tucked in - try to look a little sexier than that. But at least he'll have direction of where to lick. If you don't tell him, he'll just work it in between the two fingers.

You can pretend he's done something you really liked and let him know. "Baby...you remember when you did those circles around my clit over and over and over? I loved that..." Whether he did it or not, he's not going to say but he will remember for next time - guaranteed. All he hears is "circles...clit...over and over" and I'm sure he'll be dragging you back to his bed for some action.

Before I leave you, may I just give YOU ladies some suggestions?
As we all know, it's not potpourri smelling down there. Our natural scent is a turn on but that's after we've kept it clean. So please - keep it clean. Soap and warm water is great. Keep it GROOMED. It kills me to see 2-inch pubes in public bathrooms. We like to blame the guys on not knowing how to please us and not listening to us but sometimes (only sometimes) we can't point fingers.